7 Tips for Married Couples

My husband and I recently celebrated our 7 year anniversary. It's not long compared to my grandparents and my parents and some other couples I know but that doesn't diminish what I've learned. For the 7 years I've picked 7 tips to share with you.

ONE: Marriage should involve 3 entities: You, your spouse, and God. Your relationship will grow and mature when you meet God together. It's hard to do it every single day especially if your schedules don't align but when you can, pray together and for each other. Not only that, but seek God in your big decisions and in your arguments. God has a way of laying things out simply that make sense to both of you and he has that whole authority thing where what He says, goes. I put this first because it is the MOST important. Acknowledging and following God together is not something to bypass or put off to when you are more comfortable together. Without God, your relationship will suffer, if not fail. He provides us with perspective, understanding, and the desire to work things out. He gives us knowledge and teaches how to treat each other. To give one solid example of how we invite him into our relationship would be selling him short. He's involved in every part of our relationship: in our fights, in our reconciliation, in our decisions, at our meals, and so much more. He gives us words of encouragement for each other, he gives us ideas to strengthen our relationship, he gives me new ways to honor Jarrod and gives Jarrod new ways to show his love for me. Without God, we would never have the relationship we have today.

ONE AND A HALF: Your kids, job, animals, working out, etc are VERY important...especially kids and other family but they take second place to your relationship with God and with your spouse. When your relationship with God and your spouse is running smoothly, then all else falls into place. It's the natural order of God and his desire for us and his church. Your kids are a VERY close second but they are your offspring - your blessings - and they shouldn't stand in the way of your relationship with God and your spouse. Your kids know when mommy and daddy aren't happy and it invades their life and their behavior. Happy, Spirit filled parents = happy family.

TWO: Try to out-love each other. I read a book when we were engaged and usually these kind of books are take it or leave it but I really got a lot from it. One of the main pieces of advice was to out-love each other. She gave some examples and I knew immediately that I wanted that for my marriage. The premise is to always be in competition with each other (in a healthy and loving way) to love the other more. Within your budget, out do each other in gifts, in planning a date, and in doing acts of kindness towards each other. It's really a fun thing to do and our whole marriage has been spent trying to do this. If your budget doesn't allow for gifts or trips or dates, let creativity win the game.

THREE: Date each other. It's very important to keep your chemistry alive throughout your relationship. It is SO easy to fall into the every day routine of half to's and chores and errands that it'll become almost like you're just room mates that used to hang out all the time. Please make sure to take out time for date night. If it doesn't fit your budget, get creative and have a stay-at-home date or go for a walk or have some alone time on your front porch. Anything counts as long as you're together and are intentional about pursuing each other.

FOUR: Talk it out and fight it out...in a healthy way. Don't bottle up your emotions and build up strong cases against your spouse. Try to express your feelings in a loving way and reach a compromise. If you butt heads over it, then fight it out BUT BE CAREFUL not to say things you can't take back. Don't be ugly or revengeful; fight with love in your heart, knowing you will reach a solution. Most importantly, LISTEN.

FIVE: If you can't fight, go to someone you can trust as a couple and get some perspective. Ideally, someone you trust will be a neutral party that can see through all the bullcrap, like a pastor or counselor. Our neutral party most frequently seems to be God and God has a way of bringing the BOOM and showing us the root of the fight...or even if you're just being a jerk and need to apologize. If it's something you don't know how to word in a loving way, then ask God for his guidance in your confrontation with your spouse. Don't trash talk your spouse to people who can't be neutral to your relationship. Doing this gives people the wrong idea about who your spouse is ESPECIALLY if you're supposed to be the one who loves him/her the most. Find someone who can stand on the outside and look at both sides equally to bring a fresh perspective...preferably someone guided by God.

SIX: Find something you both love and do it together. If you have a large family and can't get a sitter, do it as a family. It is such a neat thing to have a hobby together, grow together, and learn together. If you are like gasoline and fire and CANNOT cooperate with each other, find your individual hobbies but be interested and LISTEN to your spouse as they tell you about theirs. (Read about our joint hobby on Forming Farmer Brown)

SEVEN: The end-all-be-all that encompasses everything? LOVE. In everything you do, do it in love. Use the love of God in your heart to pour out on your spouse. Love him/her through the hard times and through the good times  CHOOSE love. Choose kindness. Choose forgiveness. Choose understanding. Choose patience. Choose compromise. Be your spouse's greatest supporter, not their biggest enemy. Find that soft place in your heart for your spouse and dwell on it. It's fun!

In all things you do, seek God and seek love. Usually our solution to everything as pastors is: Jesus. He is the whole point of this life on Earth and keeping your focus on God will align all other things and relationships. We love Jesus so much and think he is so amazing and awesome. We hope our love of Jesus spreads to those around us, and I'm praying for blessings on your marriage and/or your life!