How to Deliver Truth Without it Hurting | The Truth Doesn't Have to Hurt

Have you ever had to tell someone the truth but you were afraid it would hurt them? I hate having to give constructive criticism, but there's a way to make it much less painful. It's called a compliment sandwich. I learned this technique in my first year o
f teaching and it has helped me in every area of my life. The neat part is that Jesus does it too, so I know it's an approved method.

Jesus does this in Revelation. Here's an example:

To the angel[a] of the church in Ephesus write:These are the words of him who holds the seven stars in his right hand and walks among the seven golden lampstands. 2 I know your deeds,your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked people, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. 3 You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. 4 Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. 5 Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place. 6 But you have this in your favor: You hate the practices of the Nicolaitans, which I also hate. 7 Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To the one who is victorious, I will give the right to eat from the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God.

Jarrod said, "That hat looks
so cute on you! It's a little
big, but I love how you
look in it" when I put it on
jokingly in the car.
(Compliment sandwich)

You'll notice that in the first paragraph he talks about how hard they work and the perseverance they've had. This is the first part to a compliment sandwich: START OUT WITH SOMETHING COMPLIMENTARY. Say something that you like or enjoy about that person first. It starts the conversation on a friendly tone and it doesn't make the person build up their walls right away. It establishes a safe environment for the person.

Then in the second paragraph he delivers the hard truth. This is the middle of the compliment sandwich and it's the hardest part: TELL THE TRUTH IN A TACTFUL WAY. Make is quick, don't dwell on the bad and make sure it's something that will help the person. Then move on.

The last part of the sandwich is ENCOURAGEMENT. Say something that motivates the person to keep going. Provide light at the end of a hard word and the person won't walk away feeling like a failure. Encouragement is my favorite part of the sandwich because it gives the person a reason to make a change, keep going, and not be worried about making a mistake.

I had several students that caused trouble in class. I would have to email or call their parents to notify them of the student's behavior. It's never an easy thing to tell a parent her child isn't perfect so the compliment sandwich always set a tone of partnership and unity. I had one student that WOULD. NOT. STOP. TALKING. I called the mom and said, "I have your son in my math class and I LOVE his excitement for life and ability to make friends no matter where he is." Mom says, "Oh yes, he just loves to talk; he's always been that way." I respond, "You're right! He is such a good talker that I'm having trouble keeping him on task in class. Do you have any suggestions that might work to get him to focus? He is very smart and has shown such great potential in class and I know that a little more engagement with the lesson will really improve his performance in math." She tells me what she does at home, we chat about school and we both walk away happy. The compliment sandwich works wonders.

Follow Jesus' lead and use this technique anytime you have to deliver hard news. It lifts the burden off of you and it makes it less painful for the person receiving the word. If you're having a hard time thinking of nice things to say, ask God to guide your thoughts and words in the same way that He would speak to that person. You might be surprised by how much He has to say and what He thinks. Knowing how He feels about His kids can really change the way YOU feel about His kids. Try it; I bet you'll like it.